Author: By Dale Stanten
Published: 10/31/2024
There is no denying that America is lonely. In May of 2023, Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, declared loneliness a public health crisis in an 82-page report entitled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation”. Surprisingly, one of the key findings stated that young adults are even lonelier than the elderly. America is, by any historical standard, unimaginably rich and powerful, but we seem to have lost what matters most: community and interaction with one another.
The lack of social connection creates many health risks including susceptibility to premature death, heart disease, stroke, obesity, anxiety, depression, dementia, respiratory illness, viruses and other pernicious ills, such as violence and addiction. Experiencing isolation often brings with it sadness, withdrawal, and shame. which can impact our health as negatively as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
In July of 2024, The Boston Globe highlighted a creative solution to this public health crisis. Developed by psychiatry professor Dixon Chibanda in Zimbabwe, a country where clinical mental health services are scarce, he made it his mission to combat isolation. He was ultimately awarded a $150,000 prize by US-based McNulty Foundation for launching a program called the Friendship Bench. At its core was the Zimbabwe tradition that places older people, who are considered to be considered custodians of local culture and wisdom, at the center of mental health therapy. Chibanda’s team trained older women, called Grandmothers, in “problem-solving therapy,” using language and techniques to help people feel heard, that they belong, and to be confident in finding their own solutions to problems. They provided their services in a simple, unpretentious, and accessible location – the common park bench. Benches were placed in “quiet, discreet corners of community clinics, and in some churches, poor neighborhoods, and at a university”. A “Grandmother” then patiently sits on the bench “ready to listen and engage in a one-on-one conversation”.
Solutions to loneliness and social isolation in first world countries unfortunately do not always focus on high-quality human interactions like the one in Zimbabwe. We have come to think of social media as keeping in touch, but it can prevent a healthy and meaningful dialogue. Reliance on technology can amount to talking past each other, trying to garner more likes, listening to something on ear buds, or looking at cell phones or laptops. We seem to have forgotten how to talk openly, honestly, and respectfully and our capacity for dialogue has broken down as a result.
Similarly, the American workplace has become more faceless. Office chitchat was once an incubator for new ideas, but now there is less opportunity for personal interaction. Ideas were once exchanged at the water cooler or by casually walking into someone’s office unannounced. Today, many workers have been forced to rely on the virtual world.
The question is how do we combat chronic loneliness? Experience gained from a lifetime of struggles and challenges has led me to recommend the following:
1. Do a relationship audit. Don’t wait to discover that you lack a good-quality social network. Studies suggest that most people benefit from having a minimum of four to six relationships (not 300 likes.) The variety and quality matters more than the quantity.
2. Our goal should be to make new friends whether through art classes, sports teams, support groups, or volunteer opportunities. Place yourself where real people come together.
3. Cut back on social media. Ask a friend or family member to go on a walk instead of corresponding online.
4. Help other people. Whether you are offering support and advice, or you are lending a helping hand. Reach out to other people. We repair the world through kindness!
5. Do not give up. Do not wallow in your own loneliness. If people ignore or reject you, keep trying.
6. If your usual contacts feed your misery, seek out new friends, and find individuals who are gems. Connecting with upbeat people strengthens us.
7. Practice Gratitude. Journal your thoughts and feelings by writing a gratitude letter, which outlines all the things you love about yourself.
Other suggestions to try:
·Play music
·Talk about isolation and loneliness with others
·Get creative
·Turn to pets
·Remind yourself loneliness isn’t permanent
Dale is the author of the memoir The Hooker’s Daughter: A Boston Family’s Saga. While raising her young family, Dale obtained her RN degree and practiced psychiatric nursing. A life-long learner, she studies Kabbalah and Torah and shares her personal journey to encourage others to rise above their circumstances, no matter how difficult, using their inner strength to determine the course of their own lives.
